I know I’ve been gone for awhile. I have been working on the wedding site. Check it out!

http://www.ewedding.com/sites/Tuckman/

I’m suppose to be updating this blog, I feel like I don’t have much to say, or perhaps too much too say. Tomorrow my internet should be getting cut off tomorrow so this might be my last post until I am in B.C.

Today is beautiful. The temperature is sitting at a comfortable -3, the sun is blinding, and I love it. I’m having a last hurray party tonight, but we have packed up all glasses and dishes and tables so it should be interesting.

I have this good peace about leaving. I did all my goodbyes at the churches yesterday and have a few coffee dates set up for tomorrow. Things shall be busy, but I’ll be home sooner that I know it. I feel like I have mended everything hear and as I look around I just feel that it is finished. I do believe I will see this city again, I just don’t know how or when.

I’ve been thinking a lot about Taboo sins lately. Premarital sex, homosexuality, divorce, smoking, recreational drug use, greed, etc. Some of these are big deals, some of these we’ve let into the church. How do we choose what sins are acceptable or not? We judge people and keep them out of the church under the excuse that they are not following God’s will for their life. Perhaps the truth is they aren’t follow our laws or customs, what we have deemed as being a good Christian. Something in tune with how the disciples wouldn’t let children go to Jesus, Jesus loves children! (The disciples obviously didn’t know my mother, she wants children in everything!) I’m not saying that some of this stuff is okay, but why do we let so much other stuff slide? I’ve getting close with Paul’s letter to the Galatians. Perhaps we are like the Galatians and have lost what the freedom of Christ means. I’m not sure about all this, I’m not sure how I would handle some of the big sexual sins becoming present in my church or Life Group.

The last two days have been both great and horrible. I’ve had a great time just hanging out with friends and just enjoying life, I’m really enjoying my Independence here. I guess I’ll sort of be losing that soon.

Today I hung out with old high school friends, who are now university students. It makes me not want to go back to school, everything they talk about is so…not tangible. Is taking ancient Greek really going to make a difference? They are more self-centered than teenagers! They all said they feel so old at 20. I do not. I try to surround myself with a good mix of ages, they only see others just like them. I don’t want my life to become classes, I don’t want to be in a bubble, and I don’t want to catch the desire to stay in school for ever and maybe travel during summers.

I didn’t really sleep at all last night. And I’ve filled up my last few days with coffee dates. I planned to hit the ground running with I got home, but I might need a few days to recoup.

5 days until I am on holy BC ground! Best. Doing a lot of reflecting, even some socializing, and have been enjoying it all. Here is something I wrote in January in response to one of the teachings we had. It was about metanoia, to change our way of thinking, repenting. Jesus taught to an eastern society, who held the belief of obeying before understanding, where as we westerners need to understand before we are moved to action. I wasn’t convinced that we need to throw out our culture for an ancient one, who’s to say which is better? I tried to gather my thoughts and got this.

Can’t throw out our culture. The experiment I am trying isn’t working, let’s try something else. This requires humbling, admitting we need help from someone else. Maybe it isn’t bad that the church is failing. It is better to fail and try something new than to not try.

Can we learn from both cultures? Is going back to eastern thinking committing an intellectual suicide? Is our way of discipleship so wrong? How do we do this in a way that reflect the current culture, but does not compromise our faith? Do we need to reinterpret our faith? Do we need to reinterpret our way of discipleship?

Jesus was more about action. Is our church based on action, or just instruction? Which side does out culture stand on? Are churches getting to big that we are afraid to fail? Or are the failures just magnified by the size and that is why the churches do not seem to be working? Do we need to throw out the whole system or pinpoint the failures? Are we failing because we are holding on to our failures, do we need to let them go, or should we go down with the ship?

Jesus calls us to repent, to change our way of thinking, to continue changing until we have a kingdom way of thinking. Do we have a kingdom way of thinking? Have we become content to not change our way of thinking? Is that our failure? Have we stopped listening? Do we need to change ourselves in order to change the world?

Something snapped. But in a good way. It seems I have recovered (mostly) from my unmotivated, procrastinating, eat junk food only, self. I am working on re-entry.

Re-entry is a big term in the mission world. Often we spend lots of time preparing ourselves for the shock of going into missions, but never for the shock of going back home. This is were the most harm is done. You’ve gained new information and experience, you are all around a new person that probably doesn’t want to go back to the old person. Unless time is though about the challenges of re-entry, how to implement what you’ve learned, and the like, going home ends in a crash landing.

I’m writing goodbye letters, researching cars (anyone selling a Toyota Matrix?), wedding things, redoing my resume. I feel productive! My mother says I’m building a RAFT.

Now I just need to find motivation to go outside in the snow and do errands.

Yesterday I two very interesting Metro experiences on my way to and from setting up the prayer room. On my way there I was getting down about church and God and had no idea how to ever impact this city. And then a guy sits across from me. He is a big, strapping black man. Late 20’s, early 30’s, decently dressed, could easily be a football player. He pulled out a ratted old book, held together by tape or something and began reading and sometimes underlining, never lifting his eyes. I tried to get a peek at this strange looking book, I saw two columns and heard the familiar sound of thin pages turning. Sure enough, it was a bible. This guy was reading through psalms in the middle of a crowed metro! For some reason this lifted my spirits. I often feel like I need to hide my faith in this city as it is so anti-religious, but this guy reminded me that here is no need! I need to be bolder.

The next experience is just strange, but still religious. I got onto yet another crowded metro, but this time it was full of some conservative Christians. My best bet would be Amish, although the young men had beards and I don’t know if that’s okay with the Amish. They had accents from all over, one was Alabama. The girls seemed so innocent and trusting. I regret not talking to him, I was tired and hungry.

So, apparently Jesus of Montreal does exist, in some form or another. 

Life has seemed to settle down, and it’s snowing again. I could have sworn that it was spring yesterday. Montreal, you’ve gotten the best of me again. But who am I complaining, it’s cold back in Abby then it is here

It was great being able to spend a week with Matt. I got to show him some of the sights, and all my friends at church were very welcoming. We both got sick, as well as a bunch of other students. That cut into our tourist time but just gave more time to cuddling/movie watching/praying time. Now I’m back to singleness in a big city. Not as exciting as it sounds. I feel strongly that I need to stay here for a few more weeks, but I miss my family.

I’m all moved in to a new apartment. Well, I’m using that term lightly here. I’ll be still living out a suitcase for the next three weeks. Kelly (who I now live with) is moving in four weeks so each day there is another piece of furniture sold or more boxes packed. I’m still a little sick, have oodles of free time, and no direct ideas of what to do. Finding motivation is a little hard but I’m taking it step by step. We’re doing a 24-hour prayer room with the church I attend, here starting tonight at eight.

I’ll try to update the blog a little more, it should help me process my time here and move towards re-entry. For now I’m going to make lunch since I’ve finally gotten my appetite back.

thecommoncup:

Great stuff here. Very practical. 

And here I am in Quebec City, standing on the Plains of Abraham with the St. Laurent River below.

This is my father on the skype. My call dropped and I came back to only hand puppets.